What do you think of this poem?

Death shook my hand in such a feminine way


Lied to slip like faith across the universe


A mass smiling in that decedent way


The clock strikes its finality like hammers to the anvil


Waking the universe for a blinking second


To mourn that passing of another labored soul


Born to rush unabated to death’s bosom


I grunt in that forget me not way


A soft epitaph to hide a deficient legend





I am death’s sweat upon the blasphemous hands of man


I am the last song dyeing on your lips


I am the deadly beat of every liar’s heart


I am the sweetest taste to hide this sour consequence





Did you know the hands that burned The Body?


That sat upon the forested artifact


Clasping hands in folded reverence to lay bare


Lies that scorched the counterfeit dogwood


Just another idle hand to grasp the idol calf


And make mockery of a noble gift


Sent to deliver the crying universe





Lies breathe smooth as truth


Pushed across the good intentioned tongue


Smiling as you hold that dainty hand


Sent to forge deceit within the hollows of all hearts


The heart that shatters still beats in a diseased way


Mocking the hope once held in secret chambers within


A careless stroke to bring a death by love


And oh how the universe wept

What do you think of this poem?
It started out promising....


The first two lines....


Then you (or whoever wrote the poem) began throwing inj


big words, and cramming thoughts together like a bunch of Sumo wrestlers in a Corvette.


It became difficult to follow and had no rhythm.


Sometimes we're tempted to put a lot into a poem because we have a lot to say at the time, but a poem isn't a novella.


I liked the first two lines and the last two lines.


The rest was too much----


too many subjects


too many big words that didn't fit


too many syllables





Pare it down.


You can make two or three good poems out of this bad one.